Thursday, July 30, 2009

new word

I'd like to introduce a new word.

Palindrone: A seemingly-endless stream of lies that actually stops before you expec...

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I have single-handedly found a way to cure the national deficit, the debt and ensure that we, as a country, are set for life and never have to work again. You know, kinda like Bill Gates' kids and his grandkids and great, great, great, great, great grandkids. Additionally with all of the extra money we can throw the borders wide open and let anyone who wants to come here walk right in and make themselves at home. (Don't tell them we need them to do all of the work. Shhh!)

This guy just needs to ask for a refund for his pack of smokes. Yup that's it.

Trillions, it seems, are the new thousands.

Monday, July 13, 2009

The running of the bulls(hit)

I'm no PETA fan (boy do I love me some rare steak) but really, what makes people think that bull fighting or even the running of the bulls is OK? "Let's take animals, drug them and make them chase people through the streets before killing them slowly with multiple sword wounds." (warning: that link has some graphic images though they're hidden until you click on each one. Which you know you're going to do so don't kid yourself.) Admit it: when you look at those pictures and you see men getting gored you secretly cheer inside. It's cool. Let it out. You're only human, which is more than can be said about these idiots.

And for an encore let's find some baby seals! Momma needs a new pair of fur slippers.

Not so much absurd as just disgusting.

Friday, July 10, 2009

It has been an interesting week for pools. Yes, those big holes in the ground filled with chemical-treated (well, hopefully at least) water.

First a private pool in northern Philadelphia kicks out a bunch of kids. Well, that's not a big deal, right? What if I told you they were grade-schoolers? From day camp? A day camp that paid the private pool $1900 for the summer? A day camp made up of primarily minority kids? And to top it off the reason given by the club's president was "There was concern that a lot of kids would change the complexion... and the atmosphere of the club." And the camp's money was refunded. After a media firestorm, largely touched off by twitter - as these things tend to be lately, the pool claimed that it was a crowding issue and the reason was poorly phrased.

Really? In the 21st century? When we have a black president? In Philadelphia??? Wow. That's absurd.

But it's actually not particularly outrageous compared to what is claimed to have happened in a pool in Egypt. A Polish (cue Pollock jokes) mother claims that her 13 year-old daughter was impregnated by "stray sperm" in the swimming pool while they were there on vacation. (that's either one dirty pool or one tough sperm!)

Sure, because 13 year-old girls *never* hook up with 13 year-old (or older - ewww) boys and have sex. That just doesn't happen. Especially if you're Polish.

Absurdly yours,


7/13/09 UPDATE: The pool club has invited the camp to rejoin. Of course this came after a hail of outrage that included threats of investigations by the NAACP and Senator Arlen Specter's office for possible civil rights violations. I love it when a plan comes together.