Undoubtedly you've heard the term "Judeo-Christian values". It's trumpeted by the right wing as the basis for, well, everything. While they're yelling about Jewish and Christian history they're conveniently forgetting that Islam is Christianity's fraternal twin. Both are offshoots of Judaism, both have their own book that adds to the Old Testament; both offer salvation through a once-human savior who is expected to return any day now, both admit to worshiping the same god, etc.
The three religions are actually stunningly close to one another if you look at them deeply. Of course that hasn't stopped untold millions from killing each other over those slight differences and more that they've invented out of thin air. Islam, as written in the Koran is no less peaceful than Christianity straight out of the New Testament. And you can no more paint Muslims with the Al Queda brush than you can say all Christians are members of the Klan. The fringe (or worse) do not define the group. Now, it is up to the core to repudiate the radicals and, admittedly, Islam hasn't done as good a job of that as they could lately, but then again it took the Pope until 1964 to admit that the Jews didn't kill Jesus, so their track record is spotty at best.
So the next time you hear someone ranting about Judeo-Christian values remind them the proper term is "IslamoJudeoChristian".
Then stand back or you're likely to be spatted with gray matter.
That's my job: showing you how to take absurdity into your own hands.
You're welcome.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
A basketball game you'd never want to see
You're a basketball fan, right? Well, even if you're not you probably enjoy watching the Harlem Globetrotters beat up on the Washington Generals. Imagine you went to a game and saw this happen:
The Globetrotters are up by their usual 40 points around half-time at which point the Generals coach begs them not to score any more points, in fact, he asks them to remove all of the points they've scored so far this game. Even worse he whines that point scoring confuses other teams so they should agree that neither side will score any further points the rest of the season. The Globetrotters would absolutely leap at the opportunity, right?
Of course they wouldn't.
But they would in John Boehner's world.
Back in reality what makes him think that the Democrats are going to stop producing regulations especially while he's whining about wanting to repeal everything they've done over the last 18 months anyway? Has he forgotten that his party got trounced in 2006 and 2008 and they went from control of both Congress and the Whitehouse to control of neither? He has no legislative power, no moral authority, no mandate. Yet he's out there demanding things that are laughable, at best. The economic and environmental disasters over the last few years have been directly as a result of the GOP's push for deregulation and lax enforcement of the laws that were left. We have to return to sanity, though I guess it makes sense that the Republicans have no concept of sanity. Just look at their so-called leadership.
Maybe all of the spray tanning has gone to Boehner's brain.
I could be nuts but I think if he wants to have any influence on policy he needs to stop stamping around like a spoiled toddler and start participating in government the way it was intended to be done. Opposition is vital and frequently constructive. Obstruction is neither.
Let's just hope that we, the American people see the difference in November and, once again, show these clowns that we're not falling for their hi-jinks any longer.
We're not laughing with you, John. We're definitely laughing at you.
Because you're absurd.
The Globetrotters are up by their usual 40 points around half-time at which point the Generals coach begs them not to score any more points, in fact, he asks them to remove all of the points they've scored so far this game. Even worse he whines that point scoring confuses other teams so they should agree that neither side will score any further points the rest of the season. The Globetrotters would absolutely leap at the opportunity, right?
Of course they wouldn't.
But they would in John Boehner's world.
Back in reality what makes him think that the Democrats are going to stop producing regulations especially while he's whining about wanting to repeal everything they've done over the last 18 months anyway? Has he forgotten that his party got trounced in 2006 and 2008 and they went from control of both Congress and the Whitehouse to control of neither? He has no legislative power, no moral authority, no mandate. Yet he's out there demanding things that are laughable, at best. The economic and environmental disasters over the last few years have been directly as a result of the GOP's push for deregulation and lax enforcement of the laws that were left. We have to return to sanity, though I guess it makes sense that the Republicans have no concept of sanity. Just look at their so-called leadership.
Maybe all of the spray tanning has gone to Boehner's brain.
I could be nuts but I think if he wants to have any influence on policy he needs to stop stamping around like a spoiled toddler and start participating in government the way it was intended to be done. Opposition is vital and frequently constructive. Obstruction is neither.
Let's just hope that we, the American people see the difference in November and, once again, show these clowns that we're not falling for their hi-jinks any longer.
We're not laughing with you, John. We're definitely laughing at you.
Because you're absurd.
As Roger Ebert Requests, so shall I do:
This evening Roger Ebert posted a link to a bunch of misspelled Tea Party signs and wondered what would happen if those signs were put through the "I Write Like" comparison engine that attempts to match your writing style with that of a famous author. So I got inspired and typed in each one of them. Here's what came out:
A couple of notes and observations first:
1) Some of the signs didn't have enough text to make a match
2) I did my best with spelling, punctuation and capitalization and what I have pasted here is what went into http://www.iwl.me
3) There seems to be a small number of possible matches, though it's also possible that due to the similarity of the signs and their authors' poor English skills that the selection of writers is self-limiting.
4) I'll let the Tea partiers, their signs and message speak for themselves.
And with no further ado or comment here they are:
1) Socilism: not my cup of tea
[too short]
2a) If you can read this sign your smarter than nancy pelosi
Charles Dickens
2b) If you can read this sign you're smarter than nancy pelosi
Charles Dickens
3) say no to socilsm
[too short]
4) patriotic resisance
[too short]
5) i am a arrogant american unlike our president i am proud of my country our freedom our military our
generosity no apology from me
Kurt Vonnegut
6) wealth redistribtion = red communism
Kurt Vonnegut
7) feedom doesn't come free
[too short]
8) bank of barock = us going baroke
Harry Harrison
9) I did'nt serve 22 years for socialism
Kurt Vonnegut
10a) you cannot multiply wealth by deviding it
Oscar Wilde
10b) don't spread my wealth spread my work ethic
Margaret Atwood
11) control our boarder stop illegals
Margaret Atwood
12) not a extremist just extremey over-taxed!!! no amnesty
H. P Lovecraft
13) don't mortage my childs future
J. D. Salinger
14a) Congress shred your taxing scholiast policies not my constitutional freedoms!
Dan Brown
14b) My Name is HOPE not the congress taxing hope so stop using my name for you
Charles Dickens
15) This is America and our only lanaguage is English
H. P. Lovecraft
16) NO LARD
NO FAT
NO PORK
NO!!
STIMULAS
James Joyce
17) thank you fox news for keeping us infromed
Margaret Atwood
18) just say no to big ear's big goverment after 4 or 8 years of change=!!! All we can hope for is
another Bush to clean up the mess
Daniel Defoe
19) don't give away my daugters' future
20) OBAMA COMMANDER AND THEIF
[too short - bummer]
21) amensty
[too short]
22) English is our language no excetions learn it
H. P. Lovecraft
23) STOP waisting my hard earned TAX MONEY
Harry Harrison
24) obama has a crisis of competnce
P. G. Wodehouse
25) OBAMA My forefathers were christian yours were from kenya that explains a lot about you
Kurt Vonnegut
26) one hugh mistake america
[too short]
27) you'r a fake we know it al sharpton acorn, rev wright, jesse jackson, americas poison
James Joyce
28) Lets keep the Tea Dump The Polititions
Margaret Atwood
29) THE US of A constution lives we arew awake now!!
Bram Stoker
30) OBAMA LIER In CHIEF
[too short]
31) Impeah Obama Socialism is NOT the answer!!
George Orwell
32) Make English Americ's Offical Language
Dan Brown
33) ObamaCare best name for lobbyest payoffs EVER
James Joyce
34) Remember Descent The HIGHEST FORM of PATRIOTIC
H. P. Lovecraft
35) NO MAS ILLEGAL ALLIENS R FUGITIVES FROM JUSTICE GO HOME!
Charles Dickens
36) Honk If I Baught You A Flatscreen
William Gibson
37) THE BORROR IS THE SLAVE OF THE LENDER. HOW DO YOUR CHAINS FEEL AMERICA?
James Joyce
38) Protect INTEGRITY of U.S. CENSUS BAN ACCORN
James Joyce
39) Obama-care is to DIE FOR SOCIALIZED HEALTH CARE EQUALS DEATH of CHOICE
Mary Shelley
40) Preserve the SACTITY OF MARRIAGE
Mary Shelley
41) I'M A MAVRIK HOW ABOUT YOU?
[too short]
42) 1930's Gemany all over again
[too short]
43) were not slaves
[too short]
44) NO TO CLUNKKER CARE
[too short]
45) OBAMA COMMANDER EN THIEF
[too short]
46) AMERICANS HELP US BOYCOTT MEXICO RESPECT ARE-COUNTRY SPEAK ENGLiSH
David Foster Wallace
47) Making Me Pay for Other People's Homes and CREDIT CARD bills: Rediculous
Responsibility: Priceless
Chuck Palahniuk
48) Taxed Enoungh Already!
[too short]
49) So... Hows that whole "hopey-changey" thinkg working out for ya?
J. D. Salinger
50) I Am Joe The Plummer
[too short]
51) WE'RE NOT RASCISTS YOUR ARE ILLEGAL
Margaret Atwood
52) No Hussien Obama
[too short]
53) Birth Certifict where Obama
[too short]
54) NO AMNETY
[too short]
55) Stop Taking From Hard Wroking People
Chuck Palahniuk
56) HELP MOM! a megalomaniacal narcissist and a band of rogue congressmen dressed as pirates just broke in to my PIGGY BANK!! there there Honey, go back to sleep
Stephen King
57) I'm a veteran and proud of it. If that makes me a right wing extremest then I'm proud of that also
Mark Twain
58) if your not outraged your not paying attention
Jane Austen
59) Don't Take My Rights. I'm Still Useing Them!
Ernest Hemingway
60) Washington let's make a deal. Uphold our constitution and we'll let you keep your job.
Charles Dickens
61) Repeel COngress
[too short]
62) You work for me! Your fired!
[ too short]
63) Recession: When your neighbor loses his job!
Depression: When you loose your job!
Recovery: When Obama losses his job!
David Foster Wallace
64) Standing Together Against Tyrany
Chuck Palahniuk
65) IBAMANiSM SOiALiSM ISLAMOFACiSM NOT AMERICAN VALUES
David Foster Wallace
66) Carpenters against new tax's
[too short]
67) Take Back Amercia Nov-2-2010
[too short]
A couple of notes and observations first:
1) Some of the signs didn't have enough text to make a match
2) I did my best with spelling, punctuation and capitalization and what I have pasted here is what went into http://www.iwl.me
3) There seems to be a small number of possible matches, though it's also possible that due to the similarity of the signs and their authors' poor English skills that the selection of writers is self-limiting.
4) I'll let the Tea partiers, their signs and message speak for themselves.
And with no further ado or comment here they are:
1) Socilism: not my cup of tea
[too short]
2a) If you can read this sign your smarter than nancy pelosi
Charles Dickens
2b) If you can read this sign you're smarter than nancy pelosi
Charles Dickens
3) say no to socilsm
[too short]
4) patriotic resisance
[too short]
5) i am a arrogant american unlike our president i am proud of my country our freedom our military our
generosity no apology from me
Kurt Vonnegut
6) wealth redistribtion = red communism
Kurt Vonnegut
7) feedom doesn't come free
[too short]
8) bank of barock = us going baroke
Harry Harrison
9) I did'nt serve 22 years for socialism
Kurt Vonnegut
10a) you cannot multiply wealth by deviding it
Oscar Wilde
10b) don't spread my wealth spread my work ethic
Margaret Atwood
11) control our boarder stop illegals
Margaret Atwood
12) not a extremist just extremey over-taxed!!! no amnesty
H. P Lovecraft
13) don't mortage my childs future
J. D. Salinger
14a) Congress shred your taxing scholiast policies not my constitutional freedoms!
Dan Brown
14b) My Name is HOPE not the congress taxing hope so stop using my name for you
Charles Dickens
15) This is America and our only lanaguage is English
H. P. Lovecraft
16) NO LARD
NO FAT
NO PORK
NO!!
STIMULAS
James Joyce
17) thank you fox news for keeping us infromed
Margaret Atwood
18) just say no to big ear's big goverment after 4 or 8 years of change=!!! All we can hope for is
another Bush to clean up the mess
Daniel Defoe
19) don't give away my daugters' future
20) OBAMA COMMANDER AND THEIF
[too short - bummer]
21) amensty
[too short]
22) English is our language no excetions learn it
H. P. Lovecraft
23) STOP waisting my hard earned TAX MONEY
Harry Harrison
24) obama has a crisis of competnce
P. G. Wodehouse
25) OBAMA My forefathers were christian yours were from kenya that explains a lot about you
Kurt Vonnegut
26) one hugh mistake america
[too short]
27) you'r a fake we know it al sharpton acorn, rev wright, jesse jackson, americas poison
James Joyce
28) Lets keep the Tea Dump The Polititions
Margaret Atwood
29) THE US of A constution lives we arew awake now!!
Bram Stoker
30) OBAMA LIER In CHIEF
[too short]
31) Impeah Obama Socialism is NOT the answer!!
George Orwell
32) Make English Americ's Offical Language
Dan Brown
33) ObamaCare best name for lobbyest payoffs EVER
James Joyce
34) Remember Descent The HIGHEST FORM of PATRIOTIC
H. P. Lovecraft
35) NO MAS ILLEGAL ALLIENS R FUGITIVES FROM JUSTICE GO HOME!
Charles Dickens
36) Honk If I Baught You A Flatscreen
William Gibson
37) THE BORROR IS THE SLAVE OF THE LENDER. HOW DO YOUR CHAINS FEEL AMERICA?
James Joyce
38) Protect INTEGRITY of U.S. CENSUS BAN ACCORN
James Joyce
39) Obama-care is to DIE FOR SOCIALIZED HEALTH CARE EQUALS DEATH of CHOICE
Mary Shelley
40) Preserve the SACTITY OF MARRIAGE
Mary Shelley
41) I'M A MAVRIK HOW ABOUT YOU?
[too short]
42) 1930's Gemany all over again
[too short]
43) were not slaves
[too short]
44) NO TO CLUNKKER CARE
[too short]
45) OBAMA COMMANDER EN THIEF
[too short]
46) AMERICANS HELP US BOYCOTT MEXICO RESPECT ARE-COUNTRY SPEAK ENGLiSH
David Foster Wallace
47) Making Me Pay for Other People's Homes and CREDIT CARD bills: Rediculous
Responsibility: Priceless
Chuck Palahniuk
48) Taxed Enoungh Already!
[too short]
49) So... Hows that whole "hopey-changey" thinkg working out for ya?
J. D. Salinger
50) I Am Joe The Plummer
[too short]
51) WE'RE NOT RASCISTS YOUR ARE ILLEGAL
Margaret Atwood
52) No Hussien Obama
[too short]
53) Birth Certifict where Obama
[too short]
54) NO AMNETY
[too short]
55) Stop Taking From Hard Wroking People
Chuck Palahniuk
56) HELP MOM! a megalomaniacal narcissist and a band of rogue congressmen dressed as pirates just broke in to my PIGGY BANK!! there there Honey, go back to sleep
Stephen King
57) I'm a veteran and proud of it. If that makes me a right wing extremest then I'm proud of that also
Mark Twain
58) if your not outraged your not paying attention
Jane Austen
59) Don't Take My Rights. I'm Still Useing Them!
Ernest Hemingway
60) Washington let's make a deal. Uphold our constitution and we'll let you keep your job.
Charles Dickens
61) Repeel COngress
[too short]
62) You work for me! Your fired!
[ too short]
63) Recession: When your neighbor loses his job!
Depression: When you loose your job!
Recovery: When Obama losses his job!
David Foster Wallace
64) Standing Together Against Tyrany
Chuck Palahniuk
65) IBAMANiSM SOiALiSM ISLAMOFACiSM NOT AMERICAN VALUES
David Foster Wallace
66) Carpenters against new tax's
[too short]
67) Take Back Amercia Nov-2-2010
[too short]
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Giving credit where credit is necessary
Hopefully I'm not about to describe you, but for a moment pretend I am.
Let's say you lost your job a year ago and despite scrimping, cutting coupons, dropping HBO and the Playboy channel you've long-ago burned through your savings paying for the basic necessities like rent, food, gas, insurance, car. You're now using your credit cards to simply keep yourself and your family alive.
Fortunately you've just been offered a menial job that won't even pay the bills, but may start you on the road to getting back on your feet. With some hard work, training and a bit of luck you could advance and within a year start rebuilding that nest egg.
Quiz time. (Don't worry - this is easy if you have more than four brain cells to rub together)
Should you:
A) Immediately cut up your credit cards and never use them again
B) Keep on as before
C) Buy some decent, but not extravagant new work clothes to replace the scruffy jeans and t-shirts you've lived in the last year; and pick up a couple of books or even take a class on your new career so that you can move up the ranks faster, increasing your marketability and value to the new company..
If you're a member of the GOP I'll bet you answered A. After all, that's what the party is advocating for the Federal government. The economy is starting to show shoots of recovery so now they want to slash spending on things like benefits for those most effected by the down-turn; health care; infrastructure and other items that will improve life for most Americans. Economists the world over have shown that benefits to the poorest members of society have the most stimulative effect but these idiots want to stop the spending now before the recovery is solid.
Don't get me wrong - I'm no lover of routine deficit spending. I complained when Reagan tripled the debt and when Clinton increased it too before balancing the budget for the first time in my lifetime. But there's a time and place for tapping into credit. Do you have a mortgage and/or car payment? Then you agree with me whether you like it or not. Especially when times are tough - that's when you go into debt. Once finances are better, though, the card should be used only when you have the funds to pay for it - *of course*! You don't buy a new car every year. Well, you *shouldn't* unless you're a Rockefeller or a Bieber.
When the economy is soaring and there's a yearly surplus but a national debt (if you don't know the difference leave me a comment and I'll be happy to explain) the LAST thing you do is give it away like George Bush did with the tax cuts for the rich and corporate in 2001 and again in 2003. The money should have been used to pay off the debt or at least invested for a rainy day. Like the kind of torrent brought on by mostly-Republican deregulation and incompetence. (For the record, infrastructure improvements are an absolute investment in his country's future, but I digress, right Rachel Maddow?)
Bush's cuts amounted to 4 trillion dollars in lost government revenue. No, that's not a typo. Never-mind the wars that were never funded honestly, the medicare drug benefit that was fraudulently overpriced and oversold, etc. And now those same a-holes are screaming about federal spending for the downtrodden to feed their families, pay rent and look for work?
Their level of cruelty and heartlessness is positively, you guessed it, absurd.
Let's say you lost your job a year ago and despite scrimping, cutting coupons, dropping HBO and the Playboy channel you've long-ago burned through your savings paying for the basic necessities like rent, food, gas, insurance, car. You're now using your credit cards to simply keep yourself and your family alive.
Fortunately you've just been offered a menial job that won't even pay the bills, but may start you on the road to getting back on your feet. With some hard work, training and a bit of luck you could advance and within a year start rebuilding that nest egg.
Quiz time. (Don't worry - this is easy if you have more than four brain cells to rub together)
Should you:
A) Immediately cut up your credit cards and never use them again
B) Keep on as before
C) Buy some decent, but not extravagant new work clothes to replace the scruffy jeans and t-shirts you've lived in the last year; and pick up a couple of books or even take a class on your new career so that you can move up the ranks faster, increasing your marketability and value to the new company..
If you're a member of the GOP I'll bet you answered A. After all, that's what the party is advocating for the Federal government. The economy is starting to show shoots of recovery so now they want to slash spending on things like benefits for those most effected by the down-turn; health care; infrastructure and other items that will improve life for most Americans. Economists the world over have shown that benefits to the poorest members of society have the most stimulative effect but these idiots want to stop the spending now before the recovery is solid.
Don't get me wrong - I'm no lover of routine deficit spending. I complained when Reagan tripled the debt and when Clinton increased it too before balancing the budget for the first time in my lifetime. But there's a time and place for tapping into credit. Do you have a mortgage and/or car payment? Then you agree with me whether you like it or not. Especially when times are tough - that's when you go into debt. Once finances are better, though, the card should be used only when you have the funds to pay for it - *of course*! You don't buy a new car every year. Well, you *shouldn't* unless you're a Rockefeller or a Bieber.
When the economy is soaring and there's a yearly surplus but a national debt (if you don't know the difference leave me a comment and I'll be happy to explain) the LAST thing you do is give it away like George Bush did with the tax cuts for the rich and corporate in 2001 and again in 2003. The money should have been used to pay off the debt or at least invested for a rainy day. Like the kind of torrent brought on by mostly-Republican deregulation and incompetence. (For the record, infrastructure improvements are an absolute investment in his country's future, but I digress, right Rachel Maddow?)
Bush's cuts amounted to 4 trillion dollars in lost government revenue. No, that's not a typo. Never-mind the wars that were never funded honestly, the medicare drug benefit that was fraudulently overpriced and oversold, etc. And now those same a-holes are screaming about federal spending for the downtrodden to feed their families, pay rent and look for work?
Their level of cruelty and heartlessness is positively, you guessed it, absurd.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)